well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize