I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
