And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
