I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
this hospital has no fireball
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
