I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
