did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
