Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
