He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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