Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
