Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize