So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
