I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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