I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
