if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
