So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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