I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
