i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ugly people sure do ruin things
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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