we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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