I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
