Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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