he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
