so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
