I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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