There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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