I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
