lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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