For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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