It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
