And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
