just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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