Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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