i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
