I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
