Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
