Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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