pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
