He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
