is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
