Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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