Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
