Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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