would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
