the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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