If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
