The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
