I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
