so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
