when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
