you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
