My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
