i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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