He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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