Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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