The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
