remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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