Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
