Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
