it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
