So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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