I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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