I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
