the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
