OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
